Styrofoam comparison of a healthy bone and a Osteogenesis Imperfecta Bone (Brittle Bone).
One Comment
After reading and reviewing Jannie Halls essay and steam project regarding Osteogenesis Imperfecta. The title of the essay was simple clear and to the point. When reading the title, I was able to tell what the essay was about without providing more information than needed. The first part of the essay was very clear and relevant to the topic, it was extremely interesting to read although, the last few sentence in the first paragraph were a bit confusing. Other than that small part at the end of the first paragraph, it was very well written, great vocabulary usage, good grammar and punctuations. Even though there were a few parts that digressed it eventually returned to the topic on the next paragraph. A little more information about the different symptoms that Osteogenesis Imperfecta patients experience, more information would have been great. The examples and arguments that you provided were valid and clear. The conclusion is convincing, it does restate the main points that were provided in the other parts of the essay. In the steam project, you did a really awesome job. It is very detailed, and I was able to clearly see the different parts of Osteogenesis Imperfecta. This intrigued me, so I did a bit of research on this disease. This is such a rare condition, per calendar year fewer than 20,000 people are diagnosed with this condition. That is not a lot when you think about many people are in the US. Everything in your essay and project was easy to read and interpret from a reader’s point of view. Thank you for sharing this project with the class Janine, well done!
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Styrofoam comparison of a healthy bone and a Osteogenesis Imperfecta Bone (Brittle Bone).
After reading and reviewing Jannie Halls essay and steam project regarding Osteogenesis Imperfecta. The title of the essay was simple clear and to the point. When reading the title, I was able to tell what the essay was about without providing more information than needed. The first part of the essay was very clear and relevant to the topic, it was extremely interesting to read although, the last few sentence in the first paragraph were a bit confusing. Other than that small part at the end of the first paragraph, it was very well written, great vocabulary usage, good grammar and punctuations. Even though there were a few parts that digressed it eventually returned to the topic on the next paragraph. A little more information about the different symptoms that Osteogenesis Imperfecta patients experience, more information would have been great. The examples and arguments that you provided were valid and clear. The conclusion is convincing, it does restate the main points that were provided in the other parts of the essay. In the steam project, you did a really awesome job. It is very detailed, and I was able to clearly see the different parts of Osteogenesis Imperfecta. This intrigued me, so I did a bit of research on this disease. This is such a rare condition, per calendar year fewer than 20,000 people are diagnosed with this condition. That is not a lot when you think about many people are in the US. Everything in your essay and project was easy to read and interpret from a reader’s point of view. Thank you for sharing this project with the class Janine, well done!